Flipping His Blizzard Around
by ViolaMoon
Summary: This takes place after Remus and Harry's argument at Grimmauld Place in Deathly Hallows. Remus wallows in self-pity at the thought of having a baby with Tonks, with the bitterness of cold, a blizzard of self-doubt and insecurity forces him to live on the streets. Kingsley arrives with an opportunity to turn his life around, for him and his unborn child.


**This story was also written for the Eighth Round of the Seventh Season of the Quidditch League Fanfiction Competition: You Can't Predict It All**

**I'm writing as Chaser 1 for The Tutshill Tornados.**

**Chaser 1 prompt: **Strength — Upright: Inner Strength, Bravery, Compassion, Focus, Reversed: Self-Doubt, Weakness, Insecurity

I am using both prompts, particularly using the words Inner Strength, Bravery, Compassion, Self-doubt, Weakness and Insecurity.

**These are the prompts I'm using as a chaser to score some extra points:**

2: [Quote] "Any bright ideas now, fearless leader?" — Umbrella Academy: Vol. 1

9: [Season] Winter

15: [Object] Flask

**Disclaimer: I don't own any part of the world J.K. Rowling has created. It's all hers, from Diagon Alley to Hogwarts to all the people living there.**

**Thanks to my fantastic team for betaing!**

**A/N: Mentions of alcoholism, homelessness, and loss. **

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**Title: Flipping His Blizzard Around**

**Words: 2946**

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Down an alley in the streets of Muggle England, a man lay semi-conscious. A stack of newspapers was the only thing protecting the shaggy man from the cold. That and a flask full of a foul-smelling liquid. _Liquid warmth_ he thought as he took a large mouthful. It burnt as it went down but filled him up and dulled his pain. He had been sleeping rough for months now, and it had taken its toll on Remus.

Voices rushed through his head, his own and those from an incident months before. Remus had done this to her and his unborn child. He was a monster, and he had made his wife an outcast. He didn't deserve her, and he couldn't give her the life she deserved. Their child would be an outcast too and ashamed of him as a father. They both deserved better than anything Remus could give them; he was doing them a favour by leaving.

That is what he thought anyway.

He had gone to Harry, Ron and Hermione, to help them in the war, help them with their task but when Harry heard what he had done… He'd lost it.

"_So you're just going to dump her and the kid and run off with us?"_ Harry criticised him. He called him a coward, saying that he, Remus Lupin, was not the man he knew, the man who taught Harry to fight Dementors. He went off the deep end, attacked Harry and just ran. The worst part wasn't that Harry had criticised him, it was that Harry was right. He was a better man than this but… He was still a werewolf, and he had made a big mistake getting married and fathering a child. What if the baby got his lycanthropy?

Now here he was, wallowing in self-pity. It was a steadfast friend, a part of him since he'd been bitten by Greyback all those years ago. Snow started to filter down in the alleyway, and he knew he couldn't stay there. The full moon was close, and he was at his weakest; he felt tired and groggy like a veil was covering him. It shielded him from the world, and the only thing he could hear was the voice of his self-doubt.

He took another long sip from the flask, the only thing keeping him warm. He had hoped that the strong Muggle alcohol would keep the thoughts away, but it was no use. Remus was ashamed, Dora would probably not forgive him for leaving at a time like this when the Wizarding world was at war. He had abandoned her, their child, and the Order just to lie like a homeless person in some alley, drinking his worries away. He couldn't forgive himself. Why should she?

Remus pulled the newspapers over himself, ignoring that he could use his wand to warm himself up, to conjure a blanket or shield himself from the snow; he didn't deserve to use his magic. He was a monster, a monster who'd impregnated an innocent woman and made her an outcast. Remus closed his eyes and hoped for the nothingness of sleep, for his mind to quieten for just a few hours. But no slumber came. His stomach ached, and his limbs felt heavy. He couldn't remember the last time he ate something.

He shoved his hands into his armpits, allowing the falling snow to pile on top of him. He had long lost the feeling in his fingers and toes, and the cold snow no longer stung when it touched his skin. His last few days with Dora ran through his mind, finding out she was pregnant, deciding where she should stay given that she was pregnant. She couldn't work for the Order in her condition; it wasn't safe.

Somehow, he had fallen asleep. Despite that, he felt just as tired as before, and his head pounded. The tell-tale signs of a hangover were making their presence known, and he reached out for his flask, not bothering to open his eyes. He needed to take the edge off. But the flask wasn't where he'd left it. Reluctantly, he opened his eyes to look for it and opposite him, sat a tall black wizard with a gold hoop earring, and he was holding the flask!

"What do you want Kingsley?" Remus grumbled, sitting up and brushing the snow off himself. He planted a hand on the ground to support himself.

"You have moped for long enough, Remus," Kingsley stated in a tone that Remus could tell was serious even in his half-drunk, half-hungover state of mind. "You're coming with me. If we can find you, the Death Eaters can too, and we need you."

Remus shook his head and regretted it instantly. Kingsley handed him a phial of potion, most likely a hangover remedy, but Remus ignored his outstretched hand. "You don't need me." He reached over and tried to take his flask back from Kingsley who saw the move coming and pulled it out of his reach. "That is mine, give it back!" Remus growled.

"You don't need the booze, Remus," Kingsley said, looking at him with kind eyes. "We have all been worried about you. Please come back to us."

He was a monster. Even if he put aside the fact that he was a werewolf, he was a man who had abandoned his pregnant wife. He held his hand out. Kingsley sighed and handed him the flask. Unscrewing the lid, Remus drank from it. The familiar warmth of the alcohol warmed him, as usual, it did nothing to quieten the doubts in his head.

Tears stung his eyes, and his head dropped into the palms of his hands. "What have I done Kingsley?" he cried. "I made her an outcast. What if… what if the baby is a werewolf, like me? I can't live with the shame that I have passed it on…"

"She is okay Remus, and we would never let her become an outcast," Kingsley said, his eyes shining with sympathy. "Tonks is more concerned about you. She feels like she caused your pain and, more than anything, she misses you."

Remus looked up, his heart felt just a smidge lighter from knowing that she was safe and that she didn't hate him. But that didn't change the fact that he hated himself or what he had done, both impregnating her and then abandoning her.

"I can't just go back to her," he said, shaking his head. "At least not yet…"

"Well, how about you come and help the Order in the meantime?" Kingsley suggested. "Let's get out of the cold and snow, I have assembled a team which I think you would be a perfect addition to."

Remus opened his mouth to refuse. He felt safe in this little alleyway like he was in his own little bubble where he didn't have to face the world and what he had done. So what if he was freezing to death, starving and running out of booze? At least he was alone here, where he couldn't hurt anyone. But he knew he couldn't stay there forever, the full moon was coming, and he had no Wolfsbane potion; he had left with only his wand and that flask.

"I will not take no for an answer, Remus Lupin," Kingsley said with a stern tone. "If you don't agree to come with me, I will stun you… Don't think that I won't." He pulled out his wand and pointed it at Remus.

Remus put his hands up to stop him, and it was then that Kingsley pushed the phial of potion into his hand. "Drink. NOW," he dictated. Remus couldn't argue. He didn't want to be stunned or worse, so he drank the potion in one large gulp. At least hangover potions tasted better than Wolfsbane potions. His headache cleared, and the veil around him lifted.

It was like an alarm went off in his head, waking him up. What was he doing? What good was getting drunk in some alleyway going to do? Even if he was about to become a father, there was a war going on?

He was not that man. He would not sit idly by while others fought to save his world, to protect his family. If James and Sirius were there, they would have kicked his sorry behind ages ago. Harry had tried to remind him of this.

He held up his hands. "There's no need; I'll come. I want to help the Order; I need to make sure my child is born into a world where he doesn't have to struggle as I have."

Kingsley looked both surprised and relieved. "Good, I didn't want to stun you but…" He chuckled. "Anyway, let's get out of here." He stood up and offered Remus a hand. Remus rose shakily to his feet, feeling the effects of sleeping rough and no food clearly for the first time. Kingsley took him by side-along-Apparition, where he didn't know, nor could he remember what happened next.

Xx

Remus woke up some time later and felt incredibly disorientated. How long had he slept? He could not recollect arriving… wherever they were. He felt groggy like he had slept for days, and his mouth seemed to have grown a cotton farm while he was asleep. Dora flashed in his mind's eye, and a wave of guilt came over him. What was he doing here? What had he done?

"It's about time you woke up," came a voice from the door, interrupting him from his self-doubting thoughts. He pulled himself up to see Fred Weasley standing in the doorway with a tray full of food.

"Are you hungry?" Fred asked, putting the tray down in front of him as if he wouldn't take no for an answer and eyed Remus sceptically when he didn't start eating.

"I don't deserve this," Remus croaked. It was then he noticed the sore throat and headache, the typical signs of a cold, not surprising considering his stint outdoors.

"Don't make me fetch Mum," Fred warned, holding a glass of apple juice. "You know that she will want to smother you and fatten you up. Be grateful you got a different Weasley!" Fred wore a huge grin, and it was a little infectious.

Remus smiled for the first time in months. He couldn't stay in this blizzard of insecurity and self-pity anymore, there were people who needed him. Despite the niggling doubt in Remus' mind, he had to move forward

Remus ate as much as he could. It had been a while since he ate a full meal, and his stomach protested the sheer amount of food Fred had brought him. Kingsley visited as well as a friend of Fred's, Lee Jordan, who Remus remembered from his year of teaching at Hogwarts. It was agreed that Remus would start helping them after the full moon, that they would explain everything after he had recovered. He was grateful, but at the same time, he was eager to do something other than sleep or be alone with his thoughts.

Xx

"So I want you to join us on a radio show," Kingsley told Remus when he was finally well enough to join them in their meeting. "We are hosting a pirate show, to get the real news out there, let people know who's safe, who's fallen, and also keeping everyone updated on the progress of the war."

"I had a few ideas, 'Hounding Harry', 'Pestering Potter' or 'What's That Scrawny Specky Git Doing Now?' but Kingsley is the leader… We have to call it 'Potterwatch'" Fred sighed, handing him a parchment with a list of topics.

"We want to give the people hope," Lee added. "I think you should do this one." Lee pointed at a line.

"Friends of Harry Potter," Remus read. "So I would provide news about the Order?" he asked, looking around at the three others.

"Yes, plus provide updates on sightings of Harry, anything to give the people hope." Kingsley smiled at Remus. "I think this section is perfect for you, but…." Remus looked over at Kingsley as he hesitated.

"But what?"

"There is a lot of risk with this. We know that the Death Eaters will be after us and well… You have a baby on the way, " Kingsley finished.

Kingsley was right. So far, he hadn't exactly been the best father figure, and the kid wasn't even born yet. Despite his feelings about the matter, he knew that he had to do the right thing. Remus had to be brave for the baby if he wanted it to live in a peaceful world, a world where it wouldn't be persecuted for being the son of a werewolf.

Harry was out there, fighting Death Eaters, searching… for something, on a mission from Dumbledore. Remus had to help whatever way he could so he could thank his best friend's son for setting him straight. But first, he needed to make things right again.

"I'll do it. I want my child to grow up in a world free from Death Eaters, even if I have to put myself in harm's way" Remus reached over and shook the others' hands and then looked at the piece of parchment again. He would be a friend to Harry; it was the least he could do.

"But before we start, I need to do something," Remus said, looking over at Kingsley. "I need to see Dora, I… need to apologise to her."

Xx

Kingsley helped him see her later that day. There were many tears from both sides, and many apologies were exchanged. Remus had insisted that she had done nothing wrong, his problems with the baby were his own insecurities and doubts and not hers. They were his cross to bear.

"I love you, Dora." He reached over and pulled her hand into his. "And no matter what, if the baby is a werewolf, a Metamorphagus or whatever else, I will love this baby. He or she is a miracle and a light in these dark times."

Remus placed a hand on her swollen belly and hoped for a healthy child, no matter what it chose to be. He prayed for the inner strength to not give his insecurities to his child, to provide it with life without strife, and he hoped to be brave in his efforts with the order.

Xx

From then on, he travelled back and forth between the Tonks house and the safe house where they were hosting the broadcast. As the cold winter melted away, his courage grew, and he found himself feeling hope. That was until they started to see Death Eaters patrolling the area.

"They know we are around here somewhere. It's only a matter of time before they find us," Lee whispered as they looked out the window. The house was protected by several wards, but they whispered just to be on the safe side.

"We could attack them?" Fred pondered but threw his hands up at the looks of annoyance from the three other men. "Well, any bright ideas now, fearless leader?" Fred asked, looking at Kingsley for advice who, as an Auror, was the most experienced with such a situation.

"Well, we have no choice. We have to move somewhere else," he said. "If we fight them, we give ourselves and the Order away. We will wait until the night and then Apparate with everything," Kingsley instructed. "Leave no trace that we were here."

And they did just that. They moved to a safe location, but not before leaving a few surprises for the Death Eaters should they try to break in, courtesy of Weasley's Wizarding Wheezes. Despite Kingsley ordering them to leave no trace, he approved of this.

Xx

Things went relatively smoothly after that. Despite the war, they were making some progress, and more and more people were listening and telling them that it gave them hope and encouraged them to be brave.

Remus grew surer of himself and felt his inner strength grow. This was put to the test when they learnt the news of his father-in-law's death. He wanted to be a pillar of strength for Dora and Andromeda. He wished that he could shield them from this pain, but all he could do was be there for them. Dora was heavily pregnant and could have the baby any day. The news couldn't have come at a worse time, but it kindled the fire inside Remus, making him even more sure of his goal to support Harry and the Order, to give his child a life without Death Eaters.

It was during the broadcast that Remus reached out to Harry, to let him know that he was right and that he had been wrong. He didn't want to think about what Dora would have felt if he hadn't been there to support her. To think he had almost thrown that away to live a life on the streets, freezing in winter with only a flask to keep him warm. Remus owed that boy so much, and he told him that during the broadcast; that he should follow his instincts and that he was usually right. He knew Harry would understand the meaning behind it.

His son, he couldn't believe it, Remus couldn't believe that he could love another human being as much as him. "Edward 'Teddy' Remus Lupin, you are perfect and I hope you are brave and strong, just like your Uncle Harry," he said, holding his son dearly.

"Like his daddy too," Dora added, a tired smile crossed her face as she watched Father and Son.


End file.
